The Damage is Done

by - 9/13/2009

TRUST. Simple five letter word that's still hard for most of us to understand. Not everyone you trust, returns it. Not everyone you care about is ready or able to care back. You don't always have to expect what you give. Yes its the simple law of life, even from the Bible - You reap what you sow innit?
But with humans, it is quite different. If you place yourself in the position or situations where you hope you get the same exact love, care, support, understanding that you give to a fellow human, you just might end up hurting yourself.
I have come to understand that because we are different, we think differently and express things differently. So yes, you can sow Corn and reap corn from the soil, But you can't sow love into a human like yourself and put your hopes up about reaping the same thing.
Bet you wonder why i'm blogging about this. Personal yeah, but typing, writing has become my safest getaway from all the pain that we inflict on ourselves.
Friends, i aint got many of. But when i do have a friend, i care selflessly...giving 90% and hope that the remaining 10% would work for me. I'm just a giver, can't help it. Its how i was made. A giver. Ever realised that Eva is the Italian for Eve - meaning Giver of life? Abi no be me give Adam apple chop for eden? Lol
Without thinking of myself, i give. Love, Care, attention, support, a listening ear, Time...everyfn.
So put yourself in my shoes and tell me how you'd feel if someone you cared about turned around in an instant and strikes back. The red you used to see becomes Orange, the white you thought you saw becomes Black and Love becomes hate. Just like that. How is it even possible that all this happens and somewhere in your subconscious, you still yearn to care about this same person.

Eva- Them never teach you better lesson abi?

I'm going through a lot right now and i'm trying to clear my head. Listening to Drake - "Brand New" and yes, thats one question i am asking myself right now - Is anything im doing brand new?
I realize mosta the shit i find myself in, i get myself in by myself. You know fire would burn and you still put your hand in it..But this is what life is, we learn. Everday. Again and Again. God doesn't want to know how bad it hurts,or how deep into the ditch you fell, he wants to know if you were able to get up, dust off the dirt and move on.
Question is - Would you be able to trust again? Would you be able to give again?
Mmmnhnnm.I laugh. You know why? Cause i am Eva. A Giver.

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2 comments

  1. I have been there before. Just hold your head up. You'd be fine. We love you girl!!

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  2. Yeah i get u giving 90% for ur friend. Have u ever considered life coaching?? lol Just putting it out there. Eva the Giver!
    skelzee...

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