Mind Dumping! A Mental Exercise for the Depressed mind

Yesterday: 6:53PM Tue  20 October 2015 Mind Dumping

I am crying. Why am I crying? Why do I feel this way?
I feel empty.
I want to experience real joy. How do we experience real joy?
Why do I feel like such a different person?
Why do I feel less and less of myself?
I want real joy.
I am in so much pain. I have had a long terrible day.
I see how I can offer myself in service in certain ways. So why don't I do that?
How do I dedicate my life to service?
I want to serve.
I want to give my life.
I am in too much pain. I do not like how I feel.
I am not going to call anyone. I do not want to call anyone. I do not have anyone to call. What would I do? Call them to cry on the phone? No thank you. I would cry on my own.
I used to have dreams. Big dreams. I am even living some of them now. Yet I am so sad. I am so down. I am sitting down here crying.
I need help.
I am tired.
I am tired of coming back here. I am tired of holding myself back.
I do not want to keep on holding myself back.
I am so sad.
Why am I so sad?
I realize that I want better for myself and my family. I say I want better yet I do not push myself to do better. I lack the will to do anything. Why do I lack the will? Where did my zest for life and enthusiasm go to?
Where do I go from here?
How do I move from here?
What do I really want?
What is my life's purpose?
What on earth am I here for?
Answer me!

Can you answer any of these life questions above? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Today: 7:25AM Wed 21 October 2015

So I had a really bad day yesterday. It was so bad I couldn't get myself to do anything productive. Finally at 6:50PM I decided I was going to do a mind dump. What a mind dump is, is you writing it all out exactly as it is without trying to feign positivity.
You come face to face with your negative thoughts and negative feelings accept that they are there and run them out of your mind by writing it all out.
And so I typed it all out as it was in my head. And mind dumping like this is a great way to let the negativity out. It is like you write it, look at it, realize how negative your self talk is and then throw it out.
Just last night I wrote that above to myself. Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever just sat down to cry for no reason at all but the simple fact that crying is all you can do?
For a long time now I have really felt this way, swooning in and out of this negative energy and drowning myself in it again and again.
Yesterday was different however, it wasn't just a simple cry of despair, it was an agonizing call for help. I needed something, anything, to pull me out of the hole I had been digging myself in.
Just before I went to bed last night, I lay down and prayed desperately to God for help. And I said "Please grant me life in abundance and help me to wake up energized and refreshed and ready to work."
When I woke up this morning at 5:45AM that was exactly how I felt. Energized and much better, even happier than yesterday!
It was like I slept like one person and woke up as a better different person.

I have decided that I am going to work myself one piece at a time till I raise my energy and vibration naturally and I am not going to throw myself into unnecessary tantrums anymore.
So I am sharing this with you now, knowing that you may be going through something that is eating you up alive. Or maybe not you, might be someone you know.
All you have to do is dump all the negativity by writing it out, and then ask for help from the only person who can really help you.
After months and months of going back and forth hovering around all that negative energy and drowning myself in self sabotage, I look back now and realize how I am absolutely responsible for how I feel. How I feel is my responsibility and I can allow myself feel just as good as I allow myself feel bad.
It is unbelievable how much of a change can happen in under 12 hours!
I cannot believe how better I feel this morning.
So friend, I implore you to mind dump today all the negativity that you may have allowed eat you up alive.
You are smiling but not really smiling. Someone asks "How are you today?" And you say "Oh great!" But you really feel like shit.
You feel like you are Alive but not Living. You are processing over and over in your mind how bad things are looking and you literally cannot get yourself to feel good about anything.
You are experiencing so much internal turmoil and it feels like someone is driving jagged knives through your body.
You want to talk to someone about it but you know they wouldn't understand. No one understands but you.
Life is hard, yet so simple my friend.
Life can be even harder on you if you let it beat you to the ground.
I have done enough of that to myself and all my suffering would be to waste if I cannot share with you how you too can end yours.
Mind-dump today.
Mind-dump today.
Mind-dump today like your life depends on it, because it does!
Write yourself a letter. Write out how you feel. Be sincere with yourself. It is a personal note to self. Use the exact words that express how you feel.
When you are done, read it back to yourself and realize how much of a better person you are than what's on the page. Then tear it up. Tear it up, let it go.
Just before you go to bed, pray. Genuinely ask for help and a refreshing of your soul and watch what happens in the morning.
When you wake up, arise in Gratitude. Offer prayers of thanksgiving and wear a smile on your face.
Life can be simple.
Stop being hard on yourself. You would be fine I promise. Smile. 8:01AM



  1. This is just me right now. Thank you Eva. Thank you

    1. Thank you too!! I wouldn't have been able to write if you weren't there to read. We might be separated by distance and space but time finds a way to bring us together. So glad to hve touched you. Thank you too! Thank you

  2. It happens to me, many times that I'm just down with no clue on why I'm depressed or what to do about it.... All I do is sing and go out to see friends or the lil ones around, I try to make them laugh and smile by cracking jokes and also giving out things, I feel much better...cos seeing those smiles on their lips and knowing fully well that I'm the reason for it..... When u r sharefull u will be cheerful

    1. This makes a whole of sense Philip. It is true that when we give that which we lack we receive! Imagine making others happy when you yourself aint. It is a God thing to do. Thank you so much for sharing!!

  3. yes......this right here spells it all out.I am 16 and maybe it's because i am growing up. i've had a terrible week and all i find solace in is my writing. I love this so much. Eva...stay strong.I know you have a billion fans. but let me just write my epistle of love for you here. You inspire me,i listen to your music every morning on my way to school. I know you have your flaws and you are not superwoman but you inspire me and make me feel cool. I hope i get to meet you and be one of your friends or your cool little sister..:) (i dream a lot). I love you Eva...stay strong.

    1. Awwww this is a really beautiful message! Thank you Sister. Yes I just officially accepted you as a sister. 💙💙💙
      I do not even listen to my music as much as you probably listen so I am quite sure you know me as well as you say you do! Thank you for being here!! 💙💙

  4. I find this happening to people who are destined for greatness. The wise ones often doubts themselves and their purpose in life while the ones who lack wisdom are so certain. In fact I've found that to be certain causes stagnation. There is inspiration in the pain and the feeling of not knowing, I find myself choosing to tap into that inspiration rather then remaining grim and depressed. This has fueled my many ventures and I hope that can serve as some inspiration for you. I also find it so impressive how in tune you are with your emotions and your sense of self in general, it's so rare to see folks get vulnerable and raw on social media, especially Nigerians.

  5. It sure happens to a lot of us! Nd at least av learnt a new term; "Mind Dump" nd i can only hope it works for me too. On a particular day, i had to evn ask myself why i was cryin, answers were nt forthcomin buh i felt hurt, depressed n pained all in one for reasons i cudnt lay my hands on. Tho i didnt pray b4 goin to bed but i said to myself, it cnt get worse dan dis nd i woke up sorta better d nxt morning. My life is nt so bad nd m nt havin any major issue but i just feel sad most tyms nd i almost slipped into depression at some point. Thanks for dis platform Eva.. Dis is one part of my life i can talk about all day! Gudnyt

    1. Awwwn hun, tho i dnt knw u but u sound lyk someone who is really lookin for who to talk to and wil comprehend. Trust me, there are times lyk this buh things will surely get better over tym..

    2. Hi Jeffrey!!! I would love to talk with you if you are down for a phone conversation. As Tolani said, you sound like you need not just a mind dump via writing but also via talking. If you could mail me your number I would call! evaafterdarkblog@gmail.com

      I hope you feel better today? Sending you love and kisses and hugs and everything blissful!!

  6. So this was me 2014-earlier this year, I used to do mind dumps regularly (didn't have a name for it tho).i had no idea what was wrong, I just always cried and I was depressed big time, but later this year a major Life change happened and I'm happy.. I think we just need to find ourselves and strive towards being who we want to be.. Atleast that's what worked for me. Eva you are awesome and deep and you deserve to be happy.


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